Many Years Ago This Day

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Forsaken to her own paranoid suicide
This masochistic display, in whom did she confide?
To no soul did she speak of this dark plan
She placed her trust in the heart of no man
She found herself alone,
With no hand to blame but her own.
She gave no thought to the love of friends, family, and God
This desire to die, one would think odd.
When many were those who cared and loved her.
She took it, by the way,
Her life. though who’s to say,
We won’t see her in heaven anyway?

   This poem is about a girl I once knew a long time ago that used to go to my church. When she killed herself, there arose much debate amongst the congregation of whether or not suicide was a mortal sin. I wrote this as one who’s been around suicide a lot in my lifetime and who’s seen its effect one those left behind, and what conditions push one to that edge. I’ve known many who’ve taken their own life, inside the church and out, and I firmly believe it is not  mortal sin. Many ask: “If you have Jesus how can you ever be driven to such hopelessness?”. Depression is such an awful thing, a sickness, a lie, that can leave us feeling so isolated and alone that we go to extreme measures to be noticed, even so far as to nearly kill ourselves to get attention, and if unheard, the lie is reinforced and we might go all the way and end it all. I can’t say all the reasons one might consider suicide, but I think this is one of the most common reasons. I’ve never been to the edge myself, but knowing many who have I know somewhat of what it looks like. So to answer the earlier question:  “If you have Jesus how can you ever be driven to such hopelessness?” I think its this: We are imperfect human beings, sometimes when we are knocked down we are too tired to stand up and believe the lie that we don’t have what it takes to carry on, instead of asking Jesus for help, but no matter how far we fall, He will always be waiting to help and take us back. Once you accept Jesus as your savior your salvation is secure. No sin, no matter how bad we think it is, can separate us from that. Suicide is murder. Murder is sin. Sin is sin. If we die with an unrepentant sin we do not automatically go to hell. That is all I believe suicide to be: an unrepentant sin. God is love and love is mercy and the love of Jesus Christ is more than enough to cover all our sins. Even suicide. If you kill yourself do you still have a chance of going to heaven? Honestly, no one can know for sure until we get up there and find out for ourselves, but I have faith that Jesus’ unconditional love and endless mercy is more than enough to cover ALL our sin. End of story. No exceptions.

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